DIY Relationships At Home Depot

My mother taught me if you’re lost: Stay where you are. It’s where people will look to find you. My Hubby has stormed off. I am alone. So, here I am sitting on the ‘I’m lost and tired in Home Depot bench’; aisles and lifetimes away from where I was. Both literally and figuratively. For those of you who can read beyond my dramatics, you may have guessed I’ve moved. I changed my address, postal code and state of mind.

It is commonly acknowledged that moving is among the top 3 most stressful events in one’s life. I mean, it’s weddings, funerals and moving. STRESSFUL! On the upside, it’s a chance to take stock of where you are and where you wish to be. What you have and what you need. It’s an opportunity to shake things up. But it’s stressful. I long for simpler times with someone to take care of me. A grown up to take my hand and make decisions and pay for everything and make it all better.

On my first neighbourhood coffee run, I find myself surrounded by the local high school students; which means the Starbucks is rammed. Each one of them falls somewhere between awkward and all grown up. I’m happy to be walking amongst them. I can feel the freedom. I want to go back, back to before responsibility and student debt. But I can’t. I am trapped in a Home Depot with a Hubby who’s decided not to make a decision. Except to be angry with me for asking too many questions and not having enough answers.

I love my new hood, it’s nice. I mean its a nice place where the people are nice. I can see a future here. But I can’t decide if I want blinds or curtains. If I need a sectional or chesterfield. What colour should the powder room be? Important questions! Stressful. So, I sit here with furrowed brow. Alone under the florescent lights, listening to paint shake and keys being cut.

Suddenly, I’m forced back to reality by a handy guy with a pony tail, asking if I’m alright, cuz I’ve been typing on my phone like a woman possessed. Stressed or not, it’s probably a good idea for me to go back to where I got lost in the first place and find the Hubby who’s nothing but mad at me. But just as I write this, he comes around the corner with a door mat and a smile. And I realize somebody wants to take care of me and hold my hand. Aw, Home Depot, you really can fix anything!


Envy, Thy Name Is Gracie OR This Green Eyed Monster Has Blue Eyes

This past Sunday was The 4th Annual Toronto Burlesque Festival’s Strip Search. Everyone was so talented and represented themselves so well. The competition was stiff. Etc. etc. etc ad nasuem. Here’s where the Green Eyed Monster comes into play: I didn’t place. And alright already! I’ll admit it: I love winning. Now, that’s not to say that I want anyone to loose; I’d just prefer to win everything. My brother and I joke that ‘we’re not competitive, we just like to win’.

There is a monster inside me, and I call her the Green Eyed Vixen (side note: that would make a wicked super hero…or super villain). When competing, I try to remain as logical as I can. I know, it’s an honour to find yourself on the stage with such talented peers. It’s amazing to be selected from the vast pool of submissions. It’s a wonderful opportunity to showcase your talent to a new audience and reintroduce yourself to the old. But the head and heart don’t speak the same language, and my heart tends to be too dramatic. This Green Eyed Vixen, well, she’s heartbroken…and just an incy-bit jealous.

I know winning isn’t everything. How could it be? As there can only be one winner in every competition. Life would feel very VERY long if you only measured it in actual, physical, recognized wins. But there is a special feeling when you win. The glory. The prizes. The bragging rights. So, what do the rest of us get, as we politely clap from the audience?

Well, just gather round and let this optimistic Gracie tell you! We get to the opportunity to set our bar higher for the next time. We get to strive for another goal, knowing that we are capable of completing the task laid out before us. Win or loose, we are able to go on fighting the good fight. So, regardless of my placing, I am proud of myself, my fellow competitors, and the variety of new talent we bring to this thriving community. On behalf of Gracie and the Green Eyed Vixen, I congratulate the winners, thank the event coordinators, and welcome the opportunity to dance another day. *cue music & dim the lights